Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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