I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
