You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
