i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
