I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
