youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
