This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The air was thick with penises
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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