he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
