Who did Billy Mays play for?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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