Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize