White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
