My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
