Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
