I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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