false alarm. still invincible.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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