wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
