Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
