I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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