oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
accomplished twins. life is a go
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
