You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
