I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
