id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He passed out mid-signature
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
