unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Drake has all the answers
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
