I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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