I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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