Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this just has baby written all over it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
