capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
