Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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