Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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