Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
