They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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