dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
