I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
