This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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