girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
