p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize