just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
