i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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