I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
