So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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