I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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