There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
