How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
