If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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