First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
