every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
