On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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