maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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