There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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