that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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