I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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