Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
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The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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