i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
