he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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