Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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