There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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