I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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