Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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