it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
