did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
