id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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